Got a big 'ol stiffy for Regionals on September 21st. Finally, a regional that I can play in! It's been usually on Saturdays, and I have to work EVERY Saturday. Sunday? Your asses belong to ME!

It's been a little while since my last posting, but no great shakes have been going on. My last posting had me going 6th, since then, I've had another 6th (Supremely card dead, but squeezed until juice came outta the cards) and a 4th (Isolated a calling station, doubled up twice through her, and cruised. Bad-ish beat by pushing w/ A-10, called by J-9, he gets a straight.) But I pride myself on this little nugget: Since this session has started, I've placed every time I've played, except for once(Deaf Dude called my brilliant bluff). I  haven't won, but I play my best, and I have a respectable amount of points for only being able to play one game every two weeks! So I feel good about my chances. A few things have got to fall my way, but I have confidence that I will go deep.

It looks like that the N.P.P.L. has switched it's online affiliation from Green Tie to UltimateBet. THANK YOU!!! I've respected Green Tie, but there's something about a major brand that provides a feeling of security. I feel bad for the Green Tie girls, lots of prime trim floating about in limbo, but I'm sure that they'll land on their....backs, spead eagle, of course. Hey, I'd bet Swank Poker may be hiring!

But the best reason to be on UltimateBet is Phil Hellmuth Jr. I love Phil! I'm IN love with Phil! He's who I pattern my look, my tight play, and my motions at the table upon. I do my own Space Cadet table talk, but I try to emulate Phil in every other facet. He's gotta shave off those stupid-looking sideburns, but otherwise a titan among men!

Is this blog just plain vanity? Am I blowing smoke up my own ass? Lewis Black likened blogging to "Masturbating in front of a mirror, and videotaping it to watch later, while you masturbate." ...

Three weeks after my last tournament, and I was chompin' at the bit to get into the action! I brought a whole menagerie of card protectors with me! Two Tyrannosauruses (one of which lights up) my Donkey card pack, and The Nut! Looking to entertain and have a good time playing my best poker.The guy to my left, however was a supreme luckbox! He caught pocket kings in the first two hands! First table, finally got a touch of vengence against Red, when I slow-played a flopped boat and got him to fork over about half his starting stack. Went card dead for almost the entire night after that! I got really lucky against "Night Turn", a lovely lady that I met there. Blinds 200-400. Had 10-8 of spades in the big blind, lotsa limping, and I checked. Flop comes 10-7-3 with two hearts. I bet out a pot-sized bet, and everyone but Night Turn folds. Turn is a black king. Check-check. River is the 8 of hearts. I got tens & eights, but there were soooo many bad things out there, straights, flushes, yu ...

Well, the final nine are set for the World Series of Poker final table, and not a recognizable name in the bunch! I was rooting for Matusow for a while, then when he got cracked I rooted for Brandon Cantu. After he went down I was hoping that hot-as-hell chick would take it. Uh, I think her name is Tiffany Michelle, which kinda sounds like a porn star name. I like it! Now, we got the fat guy with bad teeth that made the final table of the LAPC with Hellmuth & Ivey, a guy named after a pair of pants, and a bunch of other guys that I just can't give a crap about. I do believe that there will be some form of collusion before the cards are dealt, but time will tell.

This got me to thinking: What would I do with the first place money if I were to win? If I could play my "A" game, and also have a Clydsedale-sized horseshoe up my ass for the required time, what would I do? First, make freakin' sure that Uncle Sam gets his cut, so he'd leave me the hell alone. ...

FINALLY got to play poker at Harvard's. Went in with a lot of frustration, and a slight game plan. I intended to be Gamera! I would be a turtle, cover up, cover up, let go of blinds, not get too involved with marginal hands. Then, I would be a monster, raising, check-raising, using big bets in position. Kept chanting under my breath, "I am Gamera. I am Gamera."

The cards determined that I would be the turtle for a LONG freakin' time. I think I saw all of three flops before the first break! I would limp with a small pair, and lots of paint would hit the board. Medium pair, someone raised, and someone else re-raised before my turn. Not a single pot went my way, but I bled off the minimum amount I possibly could.

After the break, the monster showed up! In the first three hands after the break, I went from around 3300 to a little over 6000. Catching cards and betting out, with a couple of calling stations sending some chips my way. Down to nine, ...

Great. It's Independence Day, and I gotta work, again! Retail sucks sooo bad. My family goes down to Greene County for a cookout and some smuggled in fireworks (my mom is a major league pyro!), and I'm stuck watching over an auto shop with little business going on. Yippee freakin' skippy!

Missed this past Wednesday's game due to a disaster area homefront. Had to come and help wrangle the wee ones, and pick up some. I never get anything clean enough to my wife's specifications. It looks fine to me, but my lovely wife thinks that I'm just glossing over the house. Maybe she's right. I do, however, think that I do more than most husbands do! I'll wash laundry, vaccuum, make dinner, clean the kitchen. I make a risotto that would melt Gordon Ramsay's heart! But, ultimately, I am a pretty lazy dude. My wife does make more at her job than I do at mine, so I guess that I am the bitch in the relationship. That's why I love poker. That faint glimmer of hope that, one day, I'll be good enough ...

I was deeply saddened to hear that George Carlin died. I have been a huge fan of his for a long time, ever since I was small, waited for my folks to leave the house, and put on my mom's record of George's "AM & FM" album. I am grateful for all the times he made me laugh, think, and plot out little bits of anarchy. I actually tried bartering with a toll booth operator. I count myself lucky to actually see him live in Pittsburgh for a concert. Very funny, and he di deliver the goods. I was suprised to see how freakin' tiny the dude was! Real small & thin. The black clothing made him look even thinner.

I have seen two comedians live, in concert, where I had to buy a ticket for the event. Two of the best, in my opinion, THE two best. Both George Carlin and Sam Kinison were idols to me, and I miss the hell out of the both of ya!

Always Yours..Just Laughing Less

The Dancing Queen

Went into Harvard's determined to play smash & grab poker. First hand,I'm big blind, & I was dealt aces. Huzzah! Limp, limp, raise to 150, fold fold fold fold, to me. Bump to 600. 2 jagoffs call. Don't care what the board says, I'm pushing as soon as it comes. A guy calls who flopped a pair of kings, & my aces hold up. Now, I've more that doubled up, so I pretty much shut it down for a while. Bleed off a few chips to see about getting lucky on a flop, but nothing really big. Just before final table, I get my vengance on deaf dude for last week, and I double up through him when I pushed with a pair of kings on the flop, and he was outkicked. Final table, alternate between folding mediocre hands & pushing with crap. Secure a decent chip stack. A REALLY pregnant lady limps, small blind, who is a pretty darned good player, limps, and I push with king queen off. Preggers calls, & has me outchipped by one freakin' black.Good player folds. She shows 8 7 hearts. An 8 a ...

Really frustrated today. Got home late from work because of some annoying, needy, whiny customers just had to be taken care of, and company policy won't allow me to tell them to go take a flying "F" at a rolling doughnut. Wanted to! Always want to, but I gotta save that for when I quit my friggin' job. Crack open a beer, flip off a customer or two, then turn in my keys at the end of the day! That's the dream, anyway.

I'm reading up on strategy for playing better poker, but I believe that the articles are written for players who play against "good" players. Not really suited for Nipple Poker! So I'm trying out different things, most of which go down in flames. I'm gonna try out "Smash & Grab" tomorrow. Super tight play, but when I got a hand, raise the piss out of the pot. If everyone limps for 50, make it an additional 500. limp for 100, raise 1k. But not with crap. With monsters. And if no one plays back, collect the chips. If someone does pl ...

I am suck a freakin' DONK! I'm so disgusted with my play from Wednesday night that it took me 2 days to cool off enough to bitch about it. Okay, full space cadet mode again, having a blast. My first table had Mike, a really, really good player, and a bunch of seat holders. I am playing my "A" game from the start, slowly building my stack, and catching cards at the right times. I don't crack anybody, but I'm making progress. Go on a downward slide just after the break, and I'm back to about a starting stack. Table gets broken up, & Mike & I go to another table with Mr. Slick, a top-notch player who is incessantly bitching about how he can't get any cards tonight, another player, I'm really bad with names, so he'll be "Deaf, Eric Seidel-looking Dude" or Deaf Dude for short. The rest are uber-aggressive luckboxes, including Ricky, the amazing horseshoe-up-the-butt boy. I play tight, make a call against deaf dude where I had top pair-king kicker & he shows trip ...